The Comedy Room

1.
NUNG BATA PA SI INDAY.
Nanay: Day, bat ba ang tigas tigas ng ulo mo?
Inday: Nay, intransigence is just normal for us juveniles.
Nanay: Day, anong nakain mo? I'm pertubed by your words!
Inday: Nay, ala namang gantihan.

2.
"Thank you for calling. This is Inday How can I provide you world
class service today?" - si Inday, nag call center na, finally!

3.
I certainly believe that though we didn't make it for the sixth time,
still the noise of our crowd was enough to conquer the Big Dome. The
yells and cheers of the true champion couldn't be beaten by those who
think that they "rock". Wasn't it shameful to enjoy a regime with a
point difference? Knowing that they exerted enough effort, duh? At
least, deep within me, I aggressively defend my "Go Uste"! Eventhough
we did fell on our first pyramid. - reaction ni Inday sa nakalipas na
UAAP Cheerdance

4.
Did it ever occur to you that the ultraviolet rays of the idiot box
can bring harmful radiation to the retinal area. It could lead to
blurred vision, worse, permanent blindness. - pinagalitan ni Inday si
junior sa sobrang lapit manood ng TV.

5.
Amo: Nabalitaan mo na ba ang nangyari kay Mang Tomas, nakulong ata
kasi bumili ng nakaw na cellphone kahit inosente siya?
Inday: Ganun talaga yung Ati!
Amo: Aba, nagmamarunong ka na ha?
Inday: According to the provisions of the law of obligations and
contracts, in that case, the law has the presumption that "ignorance
of the law excuses no one from compliance thereof"
Amo: ganun? (dugo ilong!)

6.
Don't limit my capacity to the four corners of this luxurious abode.
Expose me to the real challenges of the outside world because I want
to grow as an individual with dynamic experiences. - si Inday,
nagrereklamo dahil ayaw siyang isama ng amo niya sa Enchanted Kingdom

7.
Overnight inaral ng amo ni Inday ang dictionary para may pangtapat
siya kay Inday.
Amo: So Inday, tell me, how do you accept the fact that you are just a
mere chambermaid in this extravagant mansion?
Inday: Una camarera? Eres tan pathetic. La unica razon que inscribi tu
casa es porque nada esta sucediendo dentro de tu casa cuasi-agradable.
Quisiera traer una poca clase en este hogar pero conjeturo que no
puedo porque esta casa es fea.
Amo: (Tulala!)

8.
Nagmamani: ah mani mani mani malutong mani kayo dyan oh! Limang piso
lang mani kayo dyan oh!
Inday: Mr. Peanut, are those nuts cropped from a high class soil
fertilized through an advanced agricultural method to produce a rich
tasted appetizer which you, Mr. Peanut, dried it in a premium grade 0%
fat canola oil with a low salt solution to consider those low
cholesterol diet practitioner like me?
Nagmamani: Pakyu!

1.
Sa Resto:
Waiter: Ano po order nila, Ma'am?
Amo: Yung fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw Inday, ano sa iyo?
Inday: I would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken,
boiled in thick essence of soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts
of garlic, onion and laurel, sprinkled generously with fine spices and
served with a generous helping of root crop and a helping of rice.
Amo: Iho, abodo with rice daw.

2.
driver: hoy! bakit sais lang ang bayad mo? siyete na ang pamasahe
ngayon. t*nga!
inday: i am currently enrolled in a 2-year vocational course in an
academic institution. therefore, i am a student and, by this fact, i
am entitled to have the inalienable right to avail of a certain
discount on my jeepney fare. this is why i provided a payment less
than what you expected because that is according to the law, as stated
in the fare matrix moron!
driver: (dumugo ang ilong!)

3.
Txter: hi, can you be the textmate?
Inday: it depends if you can abide by my heavy sched. you see, i get up
at 5am to cook for my boss, then do the chores until after suppertime.
only then can i reply but i would be very tired already so i guess i
won't be of much use as a text mate.

4.
FLASH REPORT: Inday is alive she's not yet dead. SOCO found out that,
the impostora of Inday was killed. Ederlyn (Inday's neighbor) was the
mastermind.
SOCO: Bakit mo siya pinapatay?
Ederlyn: Kasi inagaw niya sa akin si Dodong!
Inday: Mythemaniac! He was never yours.
Ederlyn: Dong, di ba mahal mo din ako?
Dong: I never said, that I loved you! (mala-Sam Milby!)

5.
The principle "dictum de omni" best describes the events that have
transpired moments ago. Capital punishment is what I've been
expecting, but death is said to be un-Christian. Therefore, reclusion
perpetua comes close to what is best served. I don't hold grudges on
him and the absolute proposition is that he must accept his fate
dictated by law. - reaction ni Inday sa panonood sa promulgation ng
idol niyang si Erap

6.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I would like to inform the general public that I'm still ALIVE and
KICKING. Contrary to the text messages that have been circulated
lately. I have already seek legal advice regarding this rumor and my
lawyers are already preparing legal actions for the perpetrator. There
will be a bicameral investigation in aid of legislation regarding this
matter.

Sincerely, Inday.

7.
"Morons! I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I'm nurtured
with such dignity, respect, and morality! Even poverty can't make me
do such scandalous act. Sexyness is from within. I don't rely on
aesthetic products and on skimpy outfits. So pathetic!" - banat ni
Inday matapos siyang aluking magpose sa FHM

8.
"I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the
use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will
contribute significantly to the value of work that you want. My
creativity, productivity and work efficiency and the high quality of
outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress" sabi ni Inday sa
interview ng bago nyang amo!

9.
Consul: Why do you wanna go to US?
Amo: To travel, to visit my friends, and fly the airplane?
Consul: Denied! And you?
Inday: For life is a never-ending pursuit of material and social
satisfaction that I tender my great intent of actualizing a
trans-pacific journey to the land of milk and honey. An affable
sanctuary where dreams become reality and a perfect habitat where
souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom.
Consul: LIFETIME MULTIPLE ENTRY VISA GRANTED!
Amo: Pot*h ka!

10.
"Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right
direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I'll show
you somebody who has never achieved much" - comment ni Inday sa
pagkakamali ni Martin Nievera sa pagkanta ng Lupang Hinirang!

1.
Listening to the nonsense talk about someone's life is a pathetic way
of entertainment. It doesn't contribute to the good of society. I hate
character assassinators! - reklamo ni inday nung matsismis sya ng
kapitbahay!

2.
500 globe plan subscription
1800 glutathione tablet
600 olay total effects
1500 crocs flip flops
2000 for mama
- binabudget ni Inday ang sweldo niya

3.
Amo 1: Inday, ano gamit mo sa katawan mo, ang kinis mo kasi eh?
Amo 2: Siguro gumagamit ka nang Papaya.
Amo 1: Baka naman kalamansi?
Inday (Babanat na naman): No!
"Only Belo touches my skin, who touches yours?"

4.
Nurture others with positive, truthful words, not words that hurt. It
doesn't cost anything to do so. But mean what you say, and say what
you mean. Do it everyday. This is one of the most obvious qualities of
the most beloved people. If you cannot be generous financially, at
least be generous with your words. - yan ang sabi ni inday ng di siya
pinautang at pinagmumura pa ng amo niya.

5.
I understand that sexual urge is most of the time uncontrollable since
a lot of factors contribute for it to be triggered. This is also the
reason some men are found to be polygamous and engage themselves in
sexual acts even with someone who's a total stranger to them - sabi ni
Inday matapos siyang gapangin ni Kuya!

6.
Inday: I pity you for you have degraded your very own pride and
dignity by resorting to this despicable behavior just for wealth, and
I hope that one day you'll realize that you should not use humans as
means of your ends. As what the great philosopher Kant uttered, "treat
a man as an end in itself."
Holdaper: Shut up! Coz if you don't the bullet in this gun will rest
upon your empty head!

I was shot by a 9mm bullet in the head damaging my entire skull so
that I will die and stop speaking english preventing people from
nose-bleedin' - In loving memory of Inday

I thought I was dead. I must have been in a near-death experience. I
believed I survived to tell the world that we are not just a bunch of
household slaves, but persons of dignity and character - si Inday,
matapos makarecover sa coma

7.
Biodata ni Inday:
Name: Inocencia Binayubay
Age: 18
Parents: Aling Seling and Mang Andoy
Siblings: Iying 13, Itoy 8, Iking 5
Educ: College - La Salle Zobel 2nd yr
Educ: HS - P. Gomez High School (Valedictorian, Best in English)
Educ: Elem - Sta. Monica Elem. School (Valedictorian, Best in Dancing)
Work Experience: 3 yrs, Household Service Manager - Mr. and Mrs.
Montemayor

8.
The oil normalizing series specifically designed for my oily skin not
only works physically on the skin surface, but penetrates deep into
the skin layers to normalize oil secretion for a healthy and
long-lasting oil free skin. - paliwanag ni Inday habang nasa harap ng
salamin, nagpapahid ng Chin Chun Su.

9.
With the upcoming holiday, I forecast travel plans to my hometown so
that I may visit my family. In line with this, may I request that my
financial budget be reviewed so that I may take a portion in advance?
Justification as follows: for the dual purpose of
(a) finalizing my flight booking
(b) bringing tokens of appreciation to my parent, siblings, and
cousins up to the third level of consanguinity. - si Inday
bumabale para makapag bakasyon sa pamilya.

10.
1. Fendi Handbag
2. Ba,enciaga sandals
3. Manolo Blanihk high heels
4. CHANNEL furr coat
5. Ipod Video 80 gig
6. Motorola Razor Dolce and Gabbana edition
7. Sony Bravia Flat Screen Plasma TV
8. Aquamarine Diamond Wristwatch
9. Louis Vuitton Travelling Bag
10. Obagi System Skin Care Line
11. Shiseido Cosmetics
12. One week vacation spree at the Bahamas
- wish list ni Inday for Christmas. Nakadikit sa refrigerator ng amo nya!

1.
"Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean
I've spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I'll
have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!", -reaction ni
Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia

2.
"Potatoes, when consumed in their raw state are rapidly converted to
glucose that raises insulin levels because of its simple sugar. When
cooked in high temperatures like French fries, they produce large
amount of free radicals in the body causing aging, clotting,
inflammation, cancer, weight gain. One French fry is worse than one
cigarette." - sagot ni Inday nang tanungin bakit di siya nagluluto ng
French Fries

3.
"Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino
delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic
process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods,
the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the
market.", -banat ni Inday kung bakit walang "kangkong" sa nilutong sinigang

4.
"Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration
occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and
anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance
results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness." -sagot
ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior

5.
Mister: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV??!!!
Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing!

6.
"Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to
one's body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a
break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once
had." - sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff

7.
Misis: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
Inday: I have computed the chair's fair value less cost to sell, and
the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount
rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the
chair. This in accordance with PAS 18 on Revenue, PAS 16 on Property,
Plant, and Equipment, and PAS 36 on Impairment of Assets! - si Inday CPA din pala.

8.
Amo: Bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in weather patterns might have occurred, wreaking
havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates
that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path
it was heading for.
Amo: ganon?!

9.
Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution! - si Inday, pinapaalis ang
makulit na pulubi sa gate

10.
"Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages
and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment inflicted
upon you!" - pinagbabawalan ni Inday na maglikot ang mga bata

1.
"This is just not the right time to give it a try, for there are
things that are not worth losing by making a move towards an uncertain
future; destiny will always bring us where we're meant to be." -
paliwanag ni Inday ng ayain siya ni Dodong na magtanan kagabi

2.
"I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why,
for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to
that niche where I was given life and growth, that because of
austerity I was made separated from" - si Inday, hindi makatulog dahil
naho-homesick

3.
"I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber, though the
downpour of rain should have made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue
I have for you, cannot be simply washed away. The multiplicity of what
I feel for you is inevitable. This isn't platonic. It's real, true
romance." - si Inday, nag-e-emote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si
Badong, ang boyfriend niya

4.
"The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation.
The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some
rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because
the upper household dismissed my petition!" -ganito nakipagbreak si
Inday kay Badong (hardinero ng kapitbahay)

5.
"I wish forgetting my feelings for someone was as easy as digging a
hole in the backyard, burying it there, and leaving a cross over it to
remind me how beautiful it once was. But it could never be like that,
forgetting these feelings, is much like digging my very own grave and
burying myself alive." - Si Inday ulit, during the break-up

6.
Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda.. o nga pla inglisera ka would
you please purchase many fishes for our this week's meals?

Inday: Judging from your statement I believe you meant a variety of
fish. The term "fishes", although rarely and even erroneously used,
connotes a plethora or an array of different kinds of the
aforementioned gilled creatures. But the more pressing questions
before I traversed the road to the wet market would be: What certain
type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or just right smack the day's
catch? (Pauses) Aaah, by manner of careful extrapolation, given the
meager budget in this household's quasi-peasant middle class taste, I
assume then I will source the staple "galewng-gowng". Am I correct?

Amo: Leche!

Inday: You meant the freshwater milkfish? Then the "ba-ngooz" is it!

7.
"heavy fire exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat
which is the steel, causing "oriza sativa" to have a chemical change,
thereby changing its state of color, smell, as well as the taste" -
sagot ni Inday bakit nasunog ang sinaing

8.
"The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased
amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those
actions are irreversible. I do apologize." - paliwanag ni Inday bakit
maalat ang ulam

9.
"La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar.
Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido
diario por favor? si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo
sa Spain.

10.
*Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar serve with milagrosa
rice (red variety) and apricot sauce
*Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil
*Lychee and peach salad with sour cream cheese topped with lemon zests
- baon ni Junior sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday

INDAY JOKES (ang ingliserang katulong)
1
Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my
proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made
initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices
could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate
supply and demand which we also monitor on a hourly basis. - si inday,
nagpapaalam para mamalengke

2.
Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well
engineered design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium
with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ. - sagot
ni inday ng tanungin ng amo bakit may bukol si junior

3.
I want to persevere in life. I want to break free from where I am. I
want to travel the world, see all the beautiful sights and sceneries.
I want to be complete! - Naks si Inday, pwedeng model ng Centrum


4.
Amo: Alam mo Inday, bakit di ka na lang mag-callcenter,
paingles-ingles ka naman?

Inday: I don't think that I want to have easy money for I know that
choosing such employment is already limiting myself from experiencing
enthusiastic ways of expressing what I feel by means of what I do,
thus imprisoning myself with an incapable mind which will result to
doubt and uncontentment.

Amo: Ay ewan ko sa iyo! Dinudugo na ako!

5.
Much as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and
malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and alleviate
society's perception of our profession! - Si Inday, tumatangging
makipagtsismisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay sa oras ng siesta

6.
It's hard to run from a feeling that haunts you every now and then,
painful to tell your heart that you don't need it. You keep on
pretending that you are better to be alone, when in fact you feel so
empty. But why take chances if you see no hope? Why try if there's
nothing to win for? Sometimes, it pays to wait. Never hurry, let
infatuation die a natural death and give birth to true love when it's
time. - advice ni Inday sa amo niyang broken-hearted

7.
I hate how coffee turns into an addiction and how it keeps you up all
night. How it burns and makes your heart beat fast. Especially how it
makes you crave for its rich and sweet promises of grains, milk, and
sugar. Moments later, it puts you into a melancholic mood of coolness.
Before you realize, it has consumed you before you should have
consumed it. Empty. Hollow. Bitter. Then again. You crave for another cup.
Just like love. - Si Inday nag-eemote sa Starbucks

8.
"It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can
only imagine how you can handle schizophrenic kids on this educational
institution. Revise your policies because it sucks!" - si Inday kasama
si Junior sa principal's office

9.
Inday: Dear mother, had it not been for the smelling salt, I must have
collapsed a moment ago. Junior has become a little monster to me.
Remember the head accident he had? As if I wasn't enough, he was
summoned by the principal of his shabily run academe. Oh, such an
erudite bunch of baboons! I never thought being a governess can be
such strenous employ!

Tatay: Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo,
dumugo ang ilong kakabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!

10.
How do I stop falling for someone? How do I defy the pull of gravity?
Can I just flee? Flee before I hit the ground and suffer the pain and
tell myself: "Why do I choose to fall in the first place, when I know
from the start, that someone's never gonna be there to catch me
anyway?. - tanong ni Inday sa sarili niya ng mainlove siya sa amo niya

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